Beau Brady says I have to start dating nonvegan girls do I argue this one?

yup another entry on girls

Fucking hell every time I get stoked on a girl. I lose interest then they get interest cause I am no longer giving them constant attention. Then I'll find out they're on hard drugs or like over the top crazy. Man fuck dating people are fucked. More than half the girls I know describe a guy who's just like me as the type of guy they wanna date. Leaves me thinking I should be cleaning house and not sleeping alone fuck. Just needed to vent.

So much has changed

Had pizza with Eric f. tonight wow it's awesome to have him back on this coast again. I've had countless meaningful conversations with him traveling. Words can not express how grateful I am to have him in my life again. We might do a band together he seemed stoked on the idea. I am enjoying my life more than I ever have. Even though I feel like a big part is missing but in due time.

Rif Raf ...

So for the past couple of weeks there's been a lot of rif raf going through my life lady wise. I'm just done with it. deaf ear to the cell phone text messages. Can't say I won't miss the attention it's just too much nonsense I'm too damn impatient to be dealing with this kinda touch and go nonsense. I want something worth a damn. There's only one girl I actually like like and she's just got outta an almost marriage type situation kinda in the same boat as I was in. She's vegan and aggro seems to get my sense of humor. No expectations at this point. literally nothing has happened just more touch and go nonsense. She's first girl I've been kinda stoked on since the two cute girls I met at the last have heart show. When it boils down to it if you're not at least vegetarian I can't date you and take it serious. At the end of the day I truely think less of you cause you eat meat. It always ends up in a fight and it's not something I feel I can compromise on. I'm just done wasting my time on nonsense. Idealy I'd like to date a petite vegan girl that's into most of the same stuff i'm into with a facial or neck tattoo and who's not a bitch. too much to ask for ahhahahaha. Honestly right now I'd settle for a cute girl who's vegietarian who'd push me to be a better person.

Here's a list of qualities
1. Vegan
2. At least as cute as I am
3. Strong willed but can still admit when they're wrong
4. Similar taste in music as me
5. About as covered in tattoos as me
6. Can control me when I get outta hand yet still can get wild with me
7. Some one who can hang with the dudes and not get offended
8. Petite
9. Pushes me in all aspects of my life to do better and is motivated by me
10.Shy and slightly awkward
11.Has a fucked sense of humor like mine
12.spirtual but hates organized religion
13.Honest
14.Trustworthy

If you know this girl send her my way .... be easy bk

Top of the moutain

As this ridiculous holiday approaches. I'm just grateful that on a daily basis I take time out and think of all the awesome people in my life. I am so fortunate to be a part of so many different groups of people and to know if I ever was in a shit situation I'd have a solid group of people who would come to my aid with out me even having to ask. All my friends are my extended family, My crew is more to me than family. I've been really depressed lately for no reason tonight having an amazing talk with Joey and Max completely turned it around. Our click our group we're all really nice guys cause there's no reason not to be "we're the lions at the top of the mountain there's plenty of food to go around... Every one else they can fight and get feisty with each other over some petty nonsense. Just don't mistake the kindness for weakness." That thought I really hope I didn't lose it that Joey shared made a world of difference.

I'm where I should be with my life and I feel really good about things. I'm starting to realize who's who and what's what. If you can't be up front with me from the get go I can't respect you. Feet on the floor just gonna put the nose to the grind stone and work on all the stuff I wanna work on. Not worry about inconsequential nonsense any more. Tomorrow night party at my place just trying to have some fun with friends.

Working on the book some more

looking up old blogs journals and such. any thoughts stories that come to mind that are a must have in the book.

titles I'm thinking "What the hell am i doing here" "This is why we can't have nice things" "I should be dead by now"

been going out a lot and neglecting my art work have a few ideas for some paintings I'm gonna start a new acrylic painting tonight.

been kinda depressed after the shit i have to do on Thursday I may take off and go some where by myself not sure where. We'll see ....

Human trash

It's so hard to maintain while surrounded by human trash on a daily basis. All I wanna do is draw and live my life. I seem to be lashing out at people cause I'm so sick of their shit. Cry me a fucking river. I know for a fucking fact my life has been harder than most of these whinny fucks. I deal with my shit I handle my problems and try and keep to myself as much as possible why cause it's no one's fucking problem but my own. The worst is when I hear some one piss and moan about the stupid shit they did while they were fucked up on pills or hard drugs, fuck you grow the fuck up. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU'RE OWN FUCKING ACTIONS. I have a lot of friends who can chill smoke weed and do drugs responsibly if you can't don't use drugs common sense. People who just seek drama and put themselves in shit situations for attention I just wanna strangle you. I have profound hatred of these people. I try and show some empathy and understand it rains on every one a like but christ. Who am I to judge .... just needed to vent.

Recluse mode starts soon...

see you when it warms up

Girl friend application.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Fave Color:
4. Whats your sign?
5. Phone Number:
6. Location:
7. Height:
8. Hair (color and style):
9. Piercings/tattoos:

HERE COMES THE FUN ...

1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush on me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. How far would you let me take things?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11. Would you walk on the beach with me?
12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
13. Do you/have you talked about me?
14. Do you think I'm a good person?
15. Would u take a nap with me?
16. Do you think I'm cute?
17. If you could change anything about me -would you?
18. Would you dance with me?
19. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

What Do You Think Of My...?

1.Personality:
2.Eyes:
3.Face:
4.Hair:

W0ULD Y0U...
give me your number?
kiss me?
let me kiss you?
watch a movie with me?
take me out to dinner?
drive me somewhere really far away cause i have no other way of getting there?
hug me?
buy me food?
take me home to meet your family?
would you let me sleep in your bed?
sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
re-post this for me to answer your questions?
bail me out of jail cause i did something stupid?
come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?

Do YoU...
think I'm cute?
want to kiss me?
want to cuddle with me?

Am I...
odd but fun?
cute?
funny?
cool?
interesting to talk to?

ARE YOU?

Vegan?

Straight edge?

Crazy?

On meds?

If so how many?

HAVE YOU EVER...
thought about me?
thought there might be an "US"?
thought about hookin up with me?
found yourself wanting to kiss me?
wished i were there?

what's more important to you, your time or their money?

I am a relationship guy. Having standards is hard when you're a relationship guy. I am fucking lonely I want a girlfriend either the girls I've been seeing are into me and I'm not that into them or they're not into me and just stop talking to me or third case just got out of a really long fucked up relationship or divorce and want nothing serious. there have been three girls I've been legit interested in since my last girlfriend 1. is freaked out by my sketchy recent past. 2. won't give me the fucking time of day yet i keep at it cause i'm stubborn. 3. i was doing real good with but she just got out of a fucked relationship and isn't ready for dating again. Is it so fucking much to ask for a Smart ass tattooed vegan girl that's petite and adorable. APPARENTLY ! I FUCKING GIVE UP I'M DONE WITH THIS DATING NONSENSE I WILL JUST CONTINUE TO LIVE AND WORK ALONE.

So I keep cock blocking myself or the universe is against me

Been doing alright with the ladies until I'll inadvertently say something or do something to fuck it up. I have a past and yeah I'm on pre-trial release doesn't mean I'm a bad guy. I made a lot of mistakes and well when you're like oh I use to do sketchy shit on the regular. Girls get freaked out cause I show no remorse. I did what I did I've learned my lesson and I won't take it back. That shit is over for me. I still have friends who won't change and yes they are a part of my life. Some times I gotta deal with their drama. I don't even know what I'm rambling on about. Whatever I got my life back on track. I'd just like some one to share it with I come on too strong. pfft dating in nyc is stupid every one is looking around the corner something better. Trying to figure it all out.

phone

ANY ONE HAVE AN OLD AT&T PHONE MY IS ON THE FRITZ NEED ONE ASAP HELP ME OUT

More nonsense

Too many friends equals too much drama. I'm just so fucking sick of getting caught in the cross fire. Why can't I have a birthday party where all my friends can come and put aside there drama... No such luck. grumble grumble grumble.... My computer has stopped working my phone barely works it's kinda hard to get in touch with me right now. I could be bummed honestly it's just a matter of time til I get em fixed just kind of a hassle in the mean time. Have pretty much given up on finding a girlfriend. I just want a really cute vegan girl who I can relate too... I need a new job real bad I'm running low on funds and it's my birthday week I have like 15 bucks to get me through the week grumble grumble grumble.... I've been riding my bike a lot lately I really enjoy it I wish I could ride all year long. I've been trying to work out in the mornings that's been going well. Every one's been on my ass to get it together. They can all get fucked I'm happier than they are even if I am poor. Fuck 'em


FUCK EVERY ONE WHO'S NOT ME .... FOR REAL

Don't go ....

So I got tattoo for Danny on Halloween Brad did it I think it was good for both of us. Halloween was a train-wreck. Did some thing I regret. Never again will I break my rules and standards. All the things that I regret come back to me at night. I lost it tonight started beating myself up wishing it was me instead of Danny. I'm a fuck up criminal scum bag. Dude I miss you so fucking much and it hurts so much. Nothing can bring you back. I won't ever forget you I promise.

It's been a while since I've used this.

Life actually seems to be getting better finally. I'm looking for a new job. Painting seem to becoming a long nicely. Just have a lot to be grateful for. Halloween is coming up should be fun. Matt turned me on to some self help stuff that makes a lot of sense. There's a light at the end of tunnel. Met a girl through Jade and Lonnie while they came to vist. Her name is Norah she seems pretty cool not sure how things are gonna go. Whatever happens happens. I was gonna go see converge tonight but 34 buck jesus too steep for this guy I don't care that they're playing with high on fire and deathclok. til next time ladies and gentlemen....

Trainwreck

Can't seem to stop talking to the two biggest head aches of my life......


FUCKING WOMEN


FUCKING NJ


FUCK THE WORLD

Edge day will never be the same for me

So I went to Edge day in Boston had a great time saw some old friends made some new one's squashed some beef. Went with Jen it was an all around good journey. The following morning I'm awoken by the sound of my phone ringing. It's Jen telling me my Danny Keeler was hit by a car last night. I can't believe it I break down lose control. Scream cry and yell. For those of you who don't know me very well let me give you a run down. The Keeler family is very close to my family I went to School with the middle Daughter Megs, My Brother went to school with Danny. I've known Danny and Megs since I think it was 3rd grade. When I was in elementary school I had a huge crush on Meagan. Fast foward Highschool I've just started going to hardcore Shows like a year into it. Fresh man year highschool Megs is going to school with me again. The first Day I see her she's wearing a Saves the day hoodie I make it a point to tell her they suck. I ask about her brother she tells me his mom sent him to live with his Aunt. All I can remember about Danny is him being almost as skinny as I am and being a good kid. Fastforward another year Danny is going to the same highschool and is living back in cuse. He's been into hardcore for a long time turns me onto alot of good bands that I've ignored cause at the time I was still more into punk. Megs is also starting to go to show more frequently at this point my brother and Danny hang out all the time. Me and Megs start to hang out all the time. Danny goes away to school for a year Megs and I are inseperable If there's a show and she's at it Chances are 90% that I was there with her. Danny comes home to vist and introduces me to Some vegan straight edge kids from vt who he brings with him. Megs eventually ends up dating one of them name Brian I become close friends with them and this starts a bond between burlington vt and syracuse ny hardcore scenes. Danny moves back to syracuse I've graduated highschool me and Megs have drifted apart. Danny puts me on to progressive thinking and tells me that's what's wrong with the hardcore scene is it's gotten dumb and believe me at this point our scene was pretty dumb. Fast forward I move to nyc a year and half later Danny moves down here So does Megs I start seeing them fairly regularly. I take my girlfriend at the time to meet Danny because I feel he's like family and she needs to meet him. We go out for tacos and catch up.

Dear, Danny
I miss you already and you haven't even been gone that long. Just knowing I can't walk down a few blocks to see you tears me up inside. I promise I'll remember the good times and all the things you've showed me. I love you like a brother and I wish I could've told you that at least one more time, you will forever be missed.
Love Mike

Danny Keeler R.I.P. 10-17-09

FALL

So it's fall I'm alone, Can't stop loving he one person by all right I should hate. Can't seem to meet any one worth a damn. I wanna write every thing I think and feel in a letter and mail it out but dead letters don't me a fucking thing. It's weird how quickly me and Nicole have become good friends. It really drives me nuts when I hear people talk shit on Gold. He's a good dude and has held me down through a lot of bullshit. I'm really fucking depressed and I can't shake it.

so i've been reduced to this...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/m4w/1411571975.html

I'M LONELY AS A MOTHERFUCKER !!!!!!!!

Stuff i can't control

So last night My mom called me told me my dad was in the ER cause something was wrong with him. My natural response is he OK? and Should I worry? I get yes and a no. This morning I'm awaken by my mom telling me my dad had a mild stroke. So I naturally call in to work and loose my shit while i lay in bed. I do my normal pray to god hope he's OK routine I do when everything gets fucked up. I wanted to call my ex just to have some one to talk to. I decided against it because I am well aware that would just make things worse. It sucks to not only loose your girlfriend but to also loose your best friend. I honestly careless about the girlfriend part then I do about the best friend. Don't get me wrong I could've called any number of my close friends to be like hey my dad's in the hospital I need to talk. I don't know I'm at a loss. I'd rather be alone right now. By the way my dad is fine and is not suffering from any adverse effects from the stroke by some miracle but he does have 3 compressed discs in his neck. The Doctors want him to quit smoking you'd think by now he'd have the common sense to quit already. I sat home all day and I've just been touching up paintings all day. I'm really not OK and I don't think I will be OK for quite some time. I'm just working on it. ABOVE is the painting i'm currently working on.

NEW YORK IS DEAD

Can't show my true self to any one have to hide it. Just gonna give short answers. Unless I'm with some one who matters even then I have to keep my reserve. Met a girl named Nicole she is just as fucked if not more as I am. I think I'm gonna be close with her. Already she's had my back in a shit situation. That counts for a whole lot in my book.

The past few days have been a roller coaster ride.

It's really hard seeing some one as they are and not how you perceived them to be.

Getting back into the habit

So I'm pretty bad at staying on top of these things. Like this blog I was gonna try and keep it up to date but ever since my arrest I kind of fell off.

First off I really need to find a 2nd job and a new full time job. My current job is starting to wear me down. The 2nd job is going help me pay for my lawyer. The repetitive nature of my job just hacks away at my sanity. Honestly it's not so bad but there is a total lack of appreciation for any one who works hard and does what they're suppose to. I'd love to move up in the company seeing as I know more about the bands we deal with than about 80% of our entire office. Yeah management just got a new intern she's a hardcore girl from long island. She seems pretty cool definitely has a crush on me unfortunately I don't feel the same way. Today a pipe burst and I ended up cleaning it up the mess with Mitch. I didn't mind do to my many years working in restaurants I've dealt with much worse. The thing that gets me not a single thank you from the higher ups. WEAK DEALING !

Been starting to get back on track with my art stuff started a painting of a skull and I feel pretty good about it. Still need works next is a Siamese cat chasing a ball of yarn done in American traditional style. Probably gonna have it lined out tonight. Tomorrow I'm gonna get up early and pick up some new microns. I'm also gonna knock out a painting for Tim for his B-day.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT
John Borland and Beau Brady came down we went out. Went to about 8 different bars in about 2 hours. We were with Gold and some of his friends. One of which is insistent that she's gonna set me up with one of her friends. We'll see if that happens. The bar went end our night at played a lot of awesome music. I started beating on John when they played the Cro-mags. The bartender was throughly amused with our antics. After that me John and Beau got sandwichs from hannah market. Then we parted ways I stopped by subway bar walked Mandy home hung out with her until about 7 30 in the am. Then went to work terrible idea. I was useless at work.

Trying so hard not to go off the deep end

Since I got in trouble staying outta trouble has become quite the task.

I don't know why I can't forget the two numbers not in my phone and are the two people i need to leave behind and move on with my life. One is a total attention whore some where in there is a good person cause she's held me down and been there for me when I was in a shit situation. The other is the only person who I truly love unconditionally she can honestly do nothing to make me stop loving her. I wanna hate them both so bad but I can't. I can't move on and it's crippling me.

I fucked up royally that's why I'm where I am. I made a huge mistake and some dumb decisions which has led me here. Where do I go now? The Girl I love won't talk to me and I can't seem to move on. Every girl I'm mildly interested in dismisses me for stupid reasons. Like cause I don't drink. I know I'm better off still it's a hard knock at the old self esteem. I'm an abrasive person and I know this. I think I'm destine to be alone and never feel at home.

My heart is an open wound.

I'm gonna salt my wounds and push ahead cause I can do. OVER POWER OVER COME NO OTHER CHOICE!

Final nail in the coffin

I finally got the ring back stoked. That's that the bullshit saga is over. What happens next no expectations. limitless possibilities trying to stay positive pushing forward moving a head until the day I die.

read my tarot cards crash

found out my secret crush is moving back nyc swoon swoon swoon swoon!

Fall 09

watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind with Jo Beth my 5th roommate the girl on the couch. She's so polite and nice. I wonder what the fuck she's doing in this dank hole of a city. Had a few internal minor break downs during the movie. Kinda feel awful definitely miss the ex a lot right now probably shouldn't nothing i can do. gonna sleep alone going crazy. brad's trying to get me go to matchless and talking all sorts of crazy talk. i'm staying in because it'll be like every other time i go where i sit there bored outta my fucking mind hoping for that one girl that is cute and looks bored outta her fucking mind. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

close your eyes and hide your heart it's gonna be a long cold night tonight and i'll be lucky if i make it out alive with just few scars to remind me of the good bad and the ugly.

Yeah so fuck you ...

Right now I'm in a shit mood. Today was long and fruitless had to go upstate and deal with some fucking nonsense.... Glad that's over for now. Everything is fucking irritating the shit out of me. Dealing with my parents is hard they don't get me. I know they mean well and care about me but telling me you understand me and then yelling your position at me over and over again is not gonna make me care. The fact is I honestly don't give a fuck about who's gonna judge me for the way I've chosen to live my life. In that sense I'm free. I live my life for me with no apologies for any one. I'm just done explaining, screaming, trying to get some one to understand. There are two kinds of people out there. One's who get it and one's who don't. I hear wow you have your hands tattooed that must be a job stopper. Yes it is, it stops me from working at any place with narrow minded people such as yourselves. This is probably just some self righteous bullshit and my head is probably up my ass. I know everything is fucked and nothing i do in the grand scheme of things really matters. So I've decided to just do things for myself, the people I care about and the things that seem worth while to me. In a 100 years no one will even know I that i existed or lived so fuck it. Friends, family, Graf, Animals, Tats, Hardcore, are the only things that matter.

I'm fucking lonely and boy does it suck after being single and not having really any one for the past four months. It's starting to get to me. Especially since I've put in so much fucking work over the past couple of years. I feel like I should have some one to come home to night after night that is not one of my roommates. Don't get me wrong I love those dudes but I don't wanna come home and have my balls broken time and time again. I want some one to close to. To kiss and hold and be like how was your day sweet heart. I know it'll happen when it's gonna happen but what the fuck. I think my problem is I've consistently been in long term relationships for the past 4 years. First was Diana that lasted a year and ended terrible, Second was Mara lasted almost a year ended even worse, and the latest heart ache was Jaye it lasted on and off for two years and it didn't end terrible but not on a high note either. (for those of you who do read my blog she still has the ring of my grand mother's and still hasn't sent it like she claimed she would big surprise) I'm not an easy person to deal with by any means I'm kinda fucked up. I've had some what of a rough life and I try really fucking hard not to let that affect me too much but it's hard to have a healthy relationship when you've never seen one in your entire life. I've been trying to take this time alone to get my head right and work out some of the issues I have with myself from previous relationships. So the next relationship I get into doesn't become a cluster fuck from my issues. Also I need to stick with my rules no matter how hard it is. Like if the person I'm dating says "I feel like you're too good for me" CUT AND FUCKING RUN because that loosely translates to "I can't accept the love you're giving me because I will only accept the love I think I deserve" So if you continue they will sabotage the relationship until you leave and make you crazy and make you feel like shit. It's always the hard way with me.

I've had a real rough couple of months and a lot of people who I never would've expected to come through and be there for me were there and are there. Such as the forfeit dudes, Tim and Scarlett as well as the other people who are staples in my life and are too numerous to name. I thank you on the regular you all know you mean the world to me. People who promised me they'd always be there for me and weren't there no need to name names for that. When you see me and I'm extremely hostile towards you please don't wonder why.

I'm normally a pretty self destructive person when things fall apart I think I may be finally starting to turn that around.

these rants honestly make me feel a lot better...

thanks for listening.

the picture above is from Have heart's last syracuse show

Hardcore makes me feel OK when I have nothing else I can put on a record plug in and tune out the outside world and know there's some one out there just as fucked up as I am screaming their heart out just so some one else can listen and feel OK.

Alot has happened

So let's start from where i left off. 1. my dad got his operation he's fine and recovered. 2. almost missed my cousin's wedding cause i got arrested and i was in the clink for 24 hours 3. saw polar bear club's record release show it was a good time.

Saw have heart on wednesday i was extremely content at this show. Forfeit those dudes have my back it means a lot to me.

A lot of my friends are over stepping boundaries. This pisses me off to no end. Don't tell me one thing and then do another. Please cut me up when people are around to make you self feel better. This is weak and shows me your true colors.

I hate people

Every one is pissing me off i kinda want nothing to do with any one tonight.

Stupid people tend to be really loud and not talk about any thing worth a damn and their attempts to sound intelligent are sad and make me angry.

fuck them

Talked to Larina tonight she's on point whenever i need some one to talk to she's got me. Gives me solid advice. It means a lot to me.

I have another person living on my couch


fuck your tough guy attitudes you're not fooling any one

9/9/09

So last night i ended up going out with Anthony my room mate to some bar called the lucky dog. Met two of his friends they seemed nice enough. The smile on this one of the two made me stupid. Which is a rare thing. Still no go she got a man not trying to fuck with that. Then we went to matchless, LAME LAME LAME I love seeing Jess, Tracy, Charlie and Brad they're all fun to hang with. I hate that bar lack of attractive women and it's the same every damn week. Any how Anthony got to talk to Mina. So all and all it wasn't a bad trip to that fucking stupid bar. I love riding my bike from place to place in Brooklyn. It makes me happy.

Today work sucked buzzkill, supplies didn't come in. Lack of work tomorrow supplies still won't be there. I have drag jobs out to no end. Had lunch with Dallas and Eve that made work alright also ran into Artie phillie talked to him about some bullshit. After work went to this weird graffiti thing at the new era flag ship store. I got to meet, Revok, Push, Sever and Ewok. I was beyond Stoked ...
Went to Williamsburg got food, met up with Reggie and the Stoop Crew as well as Gold. I know who really cares, It shows. En route home to drop off the Forfeit gear i have to bring upstate for Reggie. I had a break down, I started crying uncontrollablely, I'm really fucking scared my dad might die tomorrow under the knife. He's getting minor brain surgery.

He means a lot to me. I'm not sure he knows. I've never heard the man say I love you. He had a really rough childhood. His dad my grandfather use to beat the shit out of him, my grand mother and my aunts until my dad was old enough to say you'll never do this again. My grandfather was drunk and a prick. I never met the man hate to say it but i'm glad. Any one that could hit a women as caring and compassionate as my Grandmother deserves to burn in hell. I love my dad and I'm so fucking scared of losing him. At one point I didn't care for him. He was an alcoholic and wasn't around for the first part of my life. He managed to clean up his life and become a man who I admire and respect. Some one who I trust and can always go to for advice. Words are not enoughto describe how much I love my dad.

The dudes get home talk to me for a minute. I go over to Reggie's and hang with Bri, Amanda, Adam 22, Nick and some kid who I don't know. We watch walk the line and we all fuck with Bri, It takes my mind off things. I'm really grateful to have these friends. With out them I'd probably be a lot worse off. They seem to make the hard times not so hard. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight seeing as eating is rather hard right now.

If you believe in a God pray for my dad.

I'm not sure if I do....

Almost died yesterday...

Ok I'll start with the good stuff from the get go. So I'm riding my bike home on grand street. This amazing gentleman tries to make a turn when I have the right of way. I slam on my breaks and go over the handle bars fuck up my wrist, the right side of my body, and get a little bit of road rash on my elbow. Does fuck face stop or make any effort to see if I'm ok, of course not.

On to the rest of my day and how it started....

Wake up draw look for something to do, for the day nothing seems promising. I draw for a little bit text a few people. I go meet up with Gold after patrolling my spots. I go sit in Mccarren Park with Gold, Dempsey and a few other people I don't know. I people watch with them for a bit. Then Gold and I go to get him some groceries. Fail due to stupid credit card error. En route we run into Scarlett and her friend say what up to them and we're off. We go meet up with Matt 26 and chill at macri park i eat some veggie dogs, and bullshit with some people there some annoying girl tries to talk to her. I easily ward her off by being my abbrassive self. Magda stops by for a drink catches up with me for a min and she's on her way. I decide I'm gonna head home take off and that's when I almost died from the asshole who doesn't know what right of way is....

I get home I chill, I try and make plans end up staying in drawing finishing the painting i was working on cause I couldn't go out and catch spots like planned due to my messed up wrist. Other than the near death experience yesterday was good.

Today work sucked, trying to do stuff where you have to move boxes with a sprained wrist is hard and painful. Neil help me a lot that took some of the stress off. I'm behind on bills can't really afford to go upstate kinda bummed gonna have to borrow some money. Still in a better mindset than I have been in a long time.

Things are starting to make sense for me at least....

last night to labor day

Had the bbq last night, tons of my friends showed up, hung out, it was a good time. It was kinda what you would expect outta my friends. Most of them who said they'd show up, showed up and ate food stuck to themselves. Eventually if they hung out long enough started to talking to the groups of people. Took a walk with Dylon listened to him about his frustrations about his break up with Scarlett. Scarlett talked to me breifly about her side of things. It's fucked that's all I can really say. Break ups are stupid, they cause a lot of emotional scars that last for a long time. I feel a need for contact with people and at the same time I'd rather be alone....

Had a dream last night I was in some weird tattoo shop looking at illustrations Chuck, Brad and Mina were there. I remember what else happened been having weird dreams. No nightmares lately.

Today I think I'm gonna draw and paint all day....

I feel detached ...

I feel some where in between Dr. Manhatten and Rorschach.

chrome, hardcore party, bbq

Yesterday didn't do much until the party at my friend Reggie's. I went to pick up some food in the city for the BBQ today at my place among other things. I rode my bike almost every where it was awesome. Worked on my painting pretty stoked about it right now I've got about an hour's worth of work left.

press pause lemme tell you about the weird dream i had.

so me freedom and his wife lei are traveling in a conversion van and i rob a taco bell. it's fucked right.


back to me talking about last night.

So i get ready for the party. Make a stop off at Marci park to see Gold and Matt 23. Gold lost a lot of weight in prison. Saw Leeto and Justin too those two are just some characters. You can tell when they're bored cause they get into mischievous mode. It was good seeing those dudes Matt made me some vegan hot dogs and then i was on my way. Party at Reggie's total brodown. Almost all our friends where there. It was a good time. Nothing too crazy happened. Not a party guy most of the time. Was hopping to meet a girl. Instead left the party to go write my name on stuff. That was wicked fun.

Friday night.

I didn't do much of anything last night. Erik and Raphie came and hung out with joe and myself at my place. Marina convinced me to take in this small cat earlier in the evening. So I gave the little creature a bath and fed it. While Raphlie and I waited for Erik to get over to my place. The cat wanted nothing to do with me or my apt. Bandit my one room mate's dog did not like the cat. So as soon as the cat realized what door lead to the outside. It sat there meowing until i let it out. So much for that beast.

Raphlie, Erik, and I road over to foodswings meet up with those dudes, Anthony my other room mate and two girls from seattle went down to rockstar bar. It was dead there as it always is. There were some really young punk kids at the bar, our crew and these two girls with some random hispanic looking guy. Nothing happens really Sherry the bar tender starts to close up. The punks leave and then the girls leave as they're leaving the pretty one outta the two comes back and asks for matches which no one has i say hey here's a lighter i throw it at her and end up hitting her in the head. I feel terrible every one breaks my balls as usal. Anthony decides to get in my face and not leave until i give him a high five. This is really pushing my buttons then as i'm walking away from him. He tries to trip me, I cock back and almost swing on him. He cowers back laughing not realizing how close i came to actually really hurting him. Not stoked on that, I don't like my temper and I really don't like it when people think it's ok to push my buttons.

After that all of us go over to subway bar to meet up with Mandy Jo. It's dead in there except for us again. I go outside to talk to Freedom while he smokes. I tell him about the ring situation. He give me his input and puts into perspective. Telling me how women rarely ever lose things. Jaye's probably playing games. Also tells me he's gonna be down there in two weeks and he'll pick it up If need be. Freedom is probably one of my best friends and he's a solid dude. Also one of the best employers I've ever had. While we have this conversation we walked over to hannah market and get sandwichs Raphlie joins us. Get back eat our sandwich. I decide I've had enough and I'm tired I ride my bike home. Long ride home needed it. Gave me time to think about everything.

INTRO/ RING

So it begins i got myself one of these fancy blogs. They seem to be all the rage these days. I generally only Blog when my life isn't going to well.

Let's start with a introduction:

First off My name is Mike, I'm vegan, I'm straight edge, I'm currently 24 years old, I live in Brooklyn, NY, I have more nick names than you can shake a stick at such as: Mike Attack, White Mike, Mike End, Whiteso, and it goes on those are the most common ones.

You can make a whole lot of assumptions based on what I've just told you. It's all true I'm your atypical hardcore kid. The only key difference is that i don't like to push my beliefs on other people. I honestly don't care if you drink, smoke, shoot up, or how ever else you can take a drug. I do care if you eat meat and dairy but I won't be a dick about it unless you ask me what I think. In that case I will tell you if you eat meat you're a self centered asshole. I try and do what's best for me and my friends.

So three months ago me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up. Last night I put the final nail in the coffin. I messaged her via facebook asking for my Grandmother's ring back. Her reply was I'll look for it. (Here's where i go into one of my tangents) JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT FUCKING GIRL!!! NO COMMON SENSE, IT'S PRETTY APPARENT SHE DOES NOT GIVE FUCK ABOUT ME!!!! I KNOW THAT RING DOESN'T MEAN SHIT TO HER! It means a whole lot to me. It's something that belonged the only person in my family to never do anything fucked up to me. Yeah I know what you're thinking, this kid still has feelings for her. This is true i don't deny that. I'm too the point thought i realize how fucked that relationship and I at least don't want her back any more. I hope she finds it, I'm not holding my breathe.

Game plan for this fucked situation STAY SINGLE work out my issues on my own. So the next relationship i get involved with isn't fucked from the get go.

Solitude is nurishment.

LISTEN TO THAT BAND DEAD SWANS