For the first time in a long time I have an abundance of free time. Which is a mixed blessing at best. I'm accustom to a 40 plus hour work week. Which leaves little to no free time for family friends or any sort of social gathering. Granted I'm not too big on social gatherings cause I"m socially awkward to put it as nice as possible. Been kinda feeling disconnected from my "friends" I use the term loosely. Lately I feel like most people don't wanna associate with me anymore for whatever reason. I don't get responses when I text people to hang out or if I do it's short responses. Can't help but feel like some what unwanted. the foodswings fam, my girlfriend, Beau and dougy are at least there but every one else just seems to busy to be bothered. I'd much rather prefer to be told "Mike I can't stand to be around you. You're fucking annoying." or "Mike you're sketchy I don't wanna be around you" or even "Mike you're not straight edge anymore so we're not friends anymore" than be avoided or cool guyed.

So lately ...

I've become more of a recluse my roommate and my girlfriend are the only people who really see me unless you frequent the same areas as I do. It's kinda making me feel like I have no friends. The things I tend to do cause I can never get any one to hang out when I'm free and my gf is busy, 1. draw 2. get food by myself 3. ride around on my bike taking pics of graffiti. 4. gym 5. look at porn (working on a series of erotic paintings although I do masterbate frequently when I'm bored.) 6. People watch.

If I didn't have my girlfriend, My roommate John and my bike I probably would've totally lost it.

Here's my theory on why I don't feel like I have any friends. first off I've changed a lot over the past year or so my views on life are drastically different from those of a year ago. Second I work 6-7 days a week 12 hour days most of the time leaving me no time to hang out unless it's after midnight and I'm generally too fucking tired to do a damn thing. I really don't think any one I've considered a friend gives two shits about me not being straight edge any more.

it's my day off so I won't waste to much more time complaining or venting I'm gonna take my old lady to coney island cause she's never been down there.

So today has been an odd day I feel fucking weird. I don't feel like any one cares or listens a side from my girlfriend and John and with John it's like about 50% of the time I don't feel like I get my point a crossed cause he's so set in his ways. I feel like every one is just waiting to talk at me about whatever bullshit that's going on in their lives or they do semi listen and just wait to cut me down.

I miss my Dad a lot lately, It's been forever since I've had a chance to go upstate and see my parents. I just work so damn much and never have the chance to go back upstate or rarely do I have a day off.