Had a day off today

Spent almost the entire day today doing stuff by myself. I feel distant from every one and I don't wanna feel that way. Woke up around two watched my girlfriend get ready for work, she's doing make up for some project one of her actor friends is doing. She left I got up got dress went to brunch at Boneshakers. Dougie and Megs where there I joined them got food we talked for a bit then I headed home to drop off my bike so I could head into the city. I walked around manhattan by my lonesome for a couple of hours stop by daredevil talked to Brad and Scott for a min. I made mention that I was going to the movies alone Brad made a smart ass remark that he was worried about me because I was going to the movies alone. Kinda wanted to tell him you should be but I kinda sought out the whole loner thing. I kept saying "I wanna be left the fuck alone" in hopes of staying out of other people's drama. After everything happened with my ex just kinda left me a little bitter on everyone and everything just made me see no one really has my back and every one is full of shit. I feel lost more than ever. I'm pretty disconnected with everything. I dropped the title straight edge it just doesn't fit me any more not that I wanna drink or do drugs just for now it's a not fit. I don't feel ok at show's any more. I just show up see the band I wanna and don't really wanna talk to any one. I keep having this fucked up dreams involving one person tried talking to John about it he said "you can't fight fate man" god I hope that's not true. I hoped at this point in my life I'd have it together. Debating bailing and going to the westcoast.