caught up in no sleep.

I've come to realize that I hate about 70% of the people in every subculture I'm involved with. Bike kids, hardcore kids, the tattoo scene, graffiti and hip hop, maybe it's something that goes beyond things I'm into, maybe just a huge portion of the world's population just sucks. Another realization is that I don't know a whole lot about anything and that if you think you know a lot about something you're generally dead wrong. My girlfriend pointed out I'm not a pessimist, that in fact I'm an optimist. I expect things to work out and when they don't I get upset or I expect the best out of people and they turn out to be shitty and I'm crushed. Interesting take on me kinda weird considering I've always been considered a jaded grump for the most part. I just want to do right by my friends and family. Is that so much to ask I really don't need a whole lot in life. I'm starting to feel like kindness is weakness. Being a scumbag just doesn't feel right to me. a couple months back I was slutting it up and fucked around with a girl who had a boyfriend. I felt really shitty after that one probably would've apologized to kid if he wasn't such a twat. after all that it just left me feeling hollow. I don't wanna talk to people so much these days except my roommate John and a few people.