It's been a while since I've used this.

Life actually seems to be getting better finally. I'm looking for a new job. Painting seem to becoming a long nicely. Just have a lot to be grateful for. Halloween is coming up should be fun. Matt turned me on to some self help stuff that makes a lot of sense. There's a light at the end of tunnel. Met a girl through Jade and Lonnie while they came to vist. Her name is Norah she seems pretty cool not sure how things are gonna go. Whatever happens happens. I was gonna go see converge tonight but 34 buck jesus too steep for this guy I don't care that they're playing with high on fire and deathclok. til next time ladies and gentlemen....

Trainwreck

Can't seem to stop talking to the two biggest head aches of my life......


FUCKING WOMEN


FUCKING NJ


FUCK THE WORLD

Edge day will never be the same for me

So I went to Edge day in Boston had a great time saw some old friends made some new one's squashed some beef. Went with Jen it was an all around good journey. The following morning I'm awoken by the sound of my phone ringing. It's Jen telling me my Danny Keeler was hit by a car last night. I can't believe it I break down lose control. Scream cry and yell. For those of you who don't know me very well let me give you a run down. The Keeler family is very close to my family I went to School with the middle Daughter Megs, My Brother went to school with Danny. I've known Danny and Megs since I think it was 3rd grade. When I was in elementary school I had a huge crush on Meagan. Fast foward Highschool I've just started going to hardcore Shows like a year into it. Fresh man year highschool Megs is going to school with me again. The first Day I see her she's wearing a Saves the day hoodie I make it a point to tell her they suck. I ask about her brother she tells me his mom sent him to live with his Aunt. All I can remember about Danny is him being almost as skinny as I am and being a good kid. Fastforward another year Danny is going to the same highschool and is living back in cuse. He's been into hardcore for a long time turns me onto alot of good bands that I've ignored cause at the time I was still more into punk. Megs is also starting to go to show more frequently at this point my brother and Danny hang out all the time. Me and Megs start to hang out all the time. Danny goes away to school for a year Megs and I are inseperable If there's a show and she's at it Chances are 90% that I was there with her. Danny comes home to vist and introduces me to Some vegan straight edge kids from vt who he brings with him. Megs eventually ends up dating one of them name Brian I become close friends with them and this starts a bond between burlington vt and syracuse ny hardcore scenes. Danny moves back to syracuse I've graduated highschool me and Megs have drifted apart. Danny puts me on to progressive thinking and tells me that's what's wrong with the hardcore scene is it's gotten dumb and believe me at this point our scene was pretty dumb. Fast forward I move to nyc a year and half later Danny moves down here So does Megs I start seeing them fairly regularly. I take my girlfriend at the time to meet Danny because I feel he's like family and she needs to meet him. We go out for tacos and catch up.

Dear, Danny
I miss you already and you haven't even been gone that long. Just knowing I can't walk down a few blocks to see you tears me up inside. I promise I'll remember the good times and all the things you've showed me. I love you like a brother and I wish I could've told you that at least one more time, you will forever be missed.
Love Mike

Danny Keeler R.I.P. 10-17-09

FALL

So it's fall I'm alone, Can't stop loving he one person by all right I should hate. Can't seem to meet any one worth a damn. I wanna write every thing I think and feel in a letter and mail it out but dead letters don't me a fucking thing. It's weird how quickly me and Nicole have become good friends. It really drives me nuts when I hear people talk shit on Gold. He's a good dude and has held me down through a lot of bullshit. I'm really fucking depressed and I can't shake it.

so i've been reduced to this...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/m4w/1411571975.html

I'M LONELY AS A MOTHERFUCKER !!!!!!!!

Stuff i can't control

So last night My mom called me told me my dad was in the ER cause something was wrong with him. My natural response is he OK? and Should I worry? I get yes and a no. This morning I'm awaken by my mom telling me my dad had a mild stroke. So I naturally call in to work and loose my shit while i lay in bed. I do my normal pray to god hope he's OK routine I do when everything gets fucked up. I wanted to call my ex just to have some one to talk to. I decided against it because I am well aware that would just make things worse. It sucks to not only loose your girlfriend but to also loose your best friend. I honestly careless about the girlfriend part then I do about the best friend. Don't get me wrong I could've called any number of my close friends to be like hey my dad's in the hospital I need to talk. I don't know I'm at a loss. I'd rather be alone right now. By the way my dad is fine and is not suffering from any adverse effects from the stroke by some miracle but he does have 3 compressed discs in his neck. The Doctors want him to quit smoking you'd think by now he'd have the common sense to quit already. I sat home all day and I've just been touching up paintings all day. I'm really not OK and I don't think I will be OK for quite some time. I'm just working on it. ABOVE is the painting i'm currently working on.

NEW YORK IS DEAD

Can't show my true self to any one have to hide it. Just gonna give short answers. Unless I'm with some one who matters even then I have to keep my reserve. Met a girl named Nicole she is just as fucked if not more as I am. I think I'm gonna be close with her. Already she's had my back in a shit situation. That counts for a whole lot in my book.

The past few days have been a roller coaster ride.

It's really hard seeing some one as they are and not how you perceived them to be.

Getting back into the habit

So I'm pretty bad at staying on top of these things. Like this blog I was gonna try and keep it up to date but ever since my arrest I kind of fell off.

First off I really need to find a 2nd job and a new full time job. My current job is starting to wear me down. The 2nd job is going help me pay for my lawyer. The repetitive nature of my job just hacks away at my sanity. Honestly it's not so bad but there is a total lack of appreciation for any one who works hard and does what they're suppose to. I'd love to move up in the company seeing as I know more about the bands we deal with than about 80% of our entire office. Yeah management just got a new intern she's a hardcore girl from long island. She seems pretty cool definitely has a crush on me unfortunately I don't feel the same way. Today a pipe burst and I ended up cleaning it up the mess with Mitch. I didn't mind do to my many years working in restaurants I've dealt with much worse. The thing that gets me not a single thank you from the higher ups. WEAK DEALING !

Been starting to get back on track with my art stuff started a painting of a skull and I feel pretty good about it. Still need works next is a Siamese cat chasing a ball of yarn done in American traditional style. Probably gonna have it lined out tonight. Tomorrow I'm gonna get up early and pick up some new microns. I'm also gonna knock out a painting for Tim for his B-day.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT
John Borland and Beau Brady came down we went out. Went to about 8 different bars in about 2 hours. We were with Gold and some of his friends. One of which is insistent that she's gonna set me up with one of her friends. We'll see if that happens. The bar went end our night at played a lot of awesome music. I started beating on John when they played the Cro-mags. The bartender was throughly amused with our antics. After that me John and Beau got sandwichs from hannah market. Then we parted ways I stopped by subway bar walked Mandy home hung out with her until about 7 30 in the am. Then went to work terrible idea. I was useless at work.